TwiPeople's Sexiest Ward Alive, August Issue

So this edition is being put out a little late. Deadlines, shmedlines (ummm, the fanfiction story's author's life is mostly run by meeting deadlines so she might not be so understanding of TwiPeople's tardiness, that is if she stops by) which brings us to Labor Day...today yesterday. Well our Sexiest Ward of the (last)Month thinks a lot about labor. Is he a gynecologist you ask? No. Expecting to be a dad for the tenth time? Nope!

He thinks a lot about labor because you see, while he's great at his current profession, sometimes it takes a little more out of him than he wants to give. His chosen-for-him job is demanding, risky, and has forced him to make personal sacrifices.

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

 TwiPeople's Coverward would like to just have a normal mundane job.

"Days like this, I actively fantasized about having 'real' employment in the 'real' world. Today it was a bowling alley." (Chapter 1)

You'll be bowling in Lane 17. What size shoe do you need?

"Maybe one that involved a brown uniform where I could deliver packages each day to people who were unreasonably happy to see me." (Chapter 3)

"Sign here ma'am. Have a good day, too."

"I bet I could mix paints like nobody's business." (Chapter 5)

Nuts and Bolts? That would be in Aisle 5.

"...my heartfelt aspiration last week was to become Employee of the Month at Applebee's. I would serve colorful food, over-priced drinks, and hand the kids a balloon on their way out." (Chapter 7)

"In an alternate universe, I walked away from the family business three years earlier and enrolled at WSU, earning a degree in forensic accounting. Then I pursued a perfectly boring career...and lived happily ever after with the prettiest girl to come out of Forks High."

 (Chapter 11)

These numbers are way off. Another freakin' Madoff.

Instead, Edward Cullen was born into a life with a dangerous vocation of hunting and killing vampires. The need to rid the world of vampires was something he learned about at his father's knee when he was young and trained for as he got older.

If it was a vampire (or on its way to becoming one), then he staked it, dismembered it, and scattered or torched the pieces. As long as he wasn't killed in the process, then it was simple.

Or at least it was simple, until he found a girl transforming into a newborn that he couldn't bear to kill. So instead he brought her to his house, chained her to his basement floor, and sang and played guitar as Bella Swan completed the transformation into becoming a vampire, all along keeping it hidden from his coworkers, who also happen to be his family.

Even though his professional life is intertwined with his personal life, there are two distinct sides to this Edward. In his job he has to be quick on his feet, trust his instincts, and aggressive enough to kill vampires. In his personal life, he's this sweet, caring regular guy who respects his family but has always yearned for a boring job and a normal life to share with the girl he loves.

If you've read 'The Family Business' by SuzsPetals then you know what an amazing story it is and how role reversal works so well in it! There is a lot of conflict and turmoil crafted into this story that keep you wanting more. In addition, there are lots of fun different twists along the way that was great fun to picture as I read including the relationship the family has with the wolves and the Volturi. (pssst...Edward involved with a member of the Volturi, anyone?) The author professes her love of Joss Whedon, the creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and, being a Buffy fan myself, I loved all of her Buffy references. Check out the font @17ForeverLisa and I picked out to write 'Slayerward' -- it is called Buffified!

If you have yet to read this great fanfiction story, then please add it to your list! You will want to find out if Edward Cullen is ever able to leave the family business behind and work a normal job!

I laugh about the irony of first line I pulled out of the story to quote about how Edward Cullen wishes to have a 'real' job in the 'real' world.

Aren't all of us the EXACT OPPOSITE?

We wish to have an 'imaginary' job (with Edward Cullen) in our little 'imaginary' Twi-world. Let's ponder all the 'jobs' we would like to do with Edward Cullen.

Have you read the story?

Leave word in the comments!

And drumroll please......Congratulations to TwiWeasel from Edbrellla!!! She won the Summer CoverYourWard Contest in a random selection done of Random.org! She gets to chose either the September or October TwiPeople cover.

 

**Thanks so much to TwiPeople's Graphic Arts Dept, @17ForeverLisa, for all of her hard work on not just the cover this month but all the extra Rob pictures she was willing to slay tackle with this Ward to help make this post come to life!!!! It may not seem like it because of the simplistic elegance of it, but I feel like this cover was our biggest challenge to date in trying to express a bit of the plot and convey the personality of Slayerward. Thank you for all the overtime you put into this little labor of love project!!!!**

**UPS manip by RobsButtonBabe

**Family symbol from CullenBoysAnonymous